youre lurking in front of me
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
