I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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