turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it's like iHOP with fire
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
