She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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