I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
