Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
