On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
