dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
