I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
