it wasn't lemon gatorade
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
