before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
