Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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