i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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