I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
