dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
