My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
