in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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