He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
