The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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