sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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