Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
