At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just pee around me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize