We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
