If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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