Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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