hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
