you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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