Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
