Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize