i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
