My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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