Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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