My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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