Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I got inside last night via doggy door
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
