I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am mentally ready for anal.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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