I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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