We named our party play list daddy issues
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize