just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
