trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
