He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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