4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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