Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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