We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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