im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
