it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
