we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
