Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
