some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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