clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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