I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
