throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
