Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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