Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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