i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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