we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
