you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
