went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
