i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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