I just cut my nipple shaving
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
