but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
