Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize