i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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