The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize