dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
