So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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