So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
