you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
