is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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