How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
