Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
