Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
