Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
