We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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