I hate all girls vehemently.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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